It was your birthday a few days ago and I was thinking about you all day long. That morning when I woke up, I was almost about to pick up my phone and call you to tell you happy birthday, but then I realized you wouldn't be there to answer my call..
It brings tears to my eyes to know that I long for you each day and yet I've somehow gotten through all these years without seeing you.
I remember the day you left this world almost too clearly and it still pains me to remember.
I came home from school and I really wanted to hang out with friends, but I ended up not doing so. Once I was done with homework, I was eating dinner up in my bedroom and on my way up there, I heard my mom talking to Grammy in her bedroom and I had this feeling that something was wrong but I didn't know what. When I was done, I was coming down the stairs, but I was hesitating because I could hear my mom crying and I didn't know why or what happened. Then, I saw her stand at the bottom of the stairs, wiping her eyes and I finally got down the stairs by the time she told me you were gone. I didn't have strength to stand up and my dad hurried and took my plate just before I collapsed to the floor and cried. I was in shock and I was so sad.
Want to know the thing that made me sad about this whole thing other than the fact that you were now gone? It was because that next day, Saturday, I was going to send you a letter telling you how much you meant to me, but I was too late on sending it. I even still have it.
Do you remember when I was three and you gave me a bath? You got a wash cloth and you pulled it through the water by one corner so it looked like a fish. You told me it was a shark and it would come and eat me and I screamed so loud and started crying and so you had to calm me down and say that it morphed into a nice fish.
Or do you remember the time where you taught me how to dance to the Macarena? Do you remember how we were dancing in front of everyone and we got to laughing so hard that we couldn't even finish dancing and collapsed on the floor laughing for a good 3 minutes?
How about when we went to see the old mines? We skipped up the trail and sang "Skippidy Do Da" instead of, "Zippady Do Da". Then on the way home we blasted the Macarena in your hummer and sang through it the whole way through?
I'll always remember those days, because they are all I have left. Our memories together are what keep you close to my heart.
I also wanted to let you know I'm sorry for a lot of things I did. I'm sorry that when you asked Grammy to come and tell me that you wanted me to come sit and talk to you, I said no. I would give anything to go back and do that with you. The reason why I said no was because I made a goal that I wouldn't cry while I was down there to see you because I didn't want you to think I was scared, that I was worried that was the last time I'd ever see you.
I hold on to the time where you told me at the zoo when I fell and scraped my knee and I was trying not to cry, you bent down and looked me in the eyes and told me "it's okay to cry.". I try and not let anyone see me hurt as much as I can but sometimes I can't find a route around it and I just need someone.
I don't know if you know, but I say good night to you ever single night because I feel like sometimes you can hear me and that you are standing right by me. It's crazy, but I really sometimes can.
I remember how you always used to tell me that you couldn't wait until the day I turned 13 so you could call me and tell me I was a brat. Do you remember telling me all the time that the minute I turn 13 I'd turn into a brat since I would be a teenager? I do, I remember.
I was looking forward to that phone call, you almost made it, but you never got the chance to call me and tell me I was a brat. I still hope sometimes that you'll surprisingly call me and tell me that I'm a brat on these other teenage birthdays I'm going to have, but I know you can't.
Do you remember the last thing you ever said to me? I do.
You said, " Well, I hope we can see each other this summer because it will be all sunny and warm. I love you and I miss you and I'll see you soon. Good bye."
And do you remember the last time I saw you? I do. We were at your house looking at old photos of you when you were younger and making fun of how cheesy you looked. But too soon it was time for us to go and we all tried to give you a hug but you were so bruised that it hurt to bad to hug anyone. I was the last to leave and I turned around to shut the door and you blew me a kiss and I caught it and placed in on my cheek and I did the same to you and you caught it and placed it on your cheek. Then you mouthed you loved me and I did too, and I shut the door and left you with tears streaming down my face.
I love you, Aunt Lisa.
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